Writing On A Plane Really Sucks

What an inspiring setting to write in, yeah?

If I had to rank the absolute worst places in the world to write, I think I would put sitting cramped in economy class on a 5 hour flight near the top of the list, next to the moldy cabinet underneath my kitchen sink and the trunk of a speeding car being driven by a drunk Mel Gibson with Lindsay Lohan navigating.

It isn’t that I’m complaining – I mean, I am, after all, on a flight to Hawaii from LAX for a 5 day vacation with my best friend who lives on O’ahu – but honestly, I face enough distractions from my writing already without having to listen to the sounds of multiple children crying or shoving off the vile man sitting next to me who keeps leaning closer and closer to me as he snores.

For one thing, I hate the idea of people seeing my screen as I write. Or seeing me do anything for that matter. I don’t like knowing that prying eyes could be watching me check my facebook and email, and I always have this bizarre fear that for some reason, my computer will go haywire and suddenly start a slideshow of the embarrassing pictures in my iPhoto library, starting with the ones from college of me drunkenly peeing on my school’s prayer tower.

I also can’t stand the cramped space that makes you contort your body in ways you didn’t know possible in a futile effort to get comfortable. I keep sighing loudly every time I decide the new position I’ve found isn’t helping me get anymore comfortable. Maybe if I put one foot up on top of the seat in front of me? No, I’m not that flexible. Really, all I want to do is punch the guy behind me that lucked out and got the entire row to himself and is now sprawled out with a smug grin on his douchey face.

I travel a lot, for work and for fun, but I’ve never had a lot of success writing on planes because of the environment and the sheer anxiety and frustration that air travel invokes in everyone. But, here I am, plunking away at my keyboard, fighting the elements and battling to put words together into sentences. Does anyone have any tips to make this easier? Maybe I should try sitting cross legged and face the window?

A week in Hawaii will definitely offer ample material to write about. Whether or not I actually write about it is a different matter altogether, but at least I’m starting off on the right foot by attempting to get some words out here in seat 26A. I better finish this up before the guy next to me wakes up and sees that I called him ‘vile’.

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